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05 June, 2011

Stupid, Stupid Email Evangelism

Here is the format for every creationist “story” that floats around on the Internet: Characters: -Atheist authority figure in an institution feared and rejected by creationists, most often a school or university. -Humble yet steadfast Christian young person in a subordinate position, most often a student. Plot template: Atheist asks Christian if they believe in God. When Christian answers positively, atheist mentions some tragedy in their life that God didn’t save, even though this story has nothing to do with anything he’s going to say next. Must have tragic occurrence because becoming an atheist without a some anger at God just doesn’t make sense. Atheist asks Christian questions that are supposed to challenge the faith. The questions are usually leading and when the Christian answers positively, the atheist starts going the Christian shit in an “I told you so,” kind of way. Christian then humbly asks the teacher his own questions, usually having something to do with evolution meaning we came from monkeys or some other blatant misunderstanding if science. Despite this, the atheist answers positively to these questions and is now “stumped” when the Christian challenges these “teachings.” Insert random miracle or event that proves the atheist wrong, such as when the atheist teacher says God won’t stop a piece of chalk from falling and breaking on the ground and the chalk lands in his pant leg. You know the one. Conclusion: Bystanders are stunned. Christian begins converting and witnessing for the lord. Turns out the Christian/kid is George fucking Washington or some shit. The-fucking-end.

This post was inspired by a story that was floating around about a Christian student challenging a teacher about God. Student turns out to be Albert fucking Einstein. The German Jew who repeatedly clarified that believed in no gods. Facepalm.